During the time we spent grieving I really thought I would never be okay. The pain was so intense as well as the emptiness. Well, I was wrong because today I can honestly say that I am okay and better than that I am great. My relationship with the Lord is flourishing and I cling to the promises that I have found in his word regarding children. Children are a blessing from God and hey God is in the blessing business and He is certainly no respecter of persons. So if He can bless one person with a child well then guess what I know He will do the same for me. So here I stand in faith waiting and believing that one day Geary and I will one day have a healthy baby. God is so good. He has healed me and loved on me this whole time. He is my rock and my strength so I choose to lean on Him.
Do I sometimes still get sad??? You betcha!!! In fact I cried the other day because it was around the time that we would have been finding out the sex of our baby. God was there with me as I sat in the quietness of my car and wept. He loved on me and comforted me. I think I will always miss that baby and thats okay because regardless of what others may think that baby was a life and every life is precious no matter how long or short their life was.
One thing that really helped us was we named that sweet baby. The baby’s name is Lael ,which means belonging to God. Lael is with God and will be with Him for eternity and one day we will meet that sweet baby.
I refuse to live in shame and act like the miscarriage never happened because guess what..... it happened.I have finally excepted the truth that it was not my fault. I will not act as though Lael never existed. I will tell all of our future kids about their brother/sister who is in heaven. I will not be defeated but instead I will bring glory to my Heavenly Father as I use my testimony to help others.