Monday, October 10, 2011

Lets Be Real

Today has been full of emotions and its not even noon. I have been wrestling with my desire for a baby.
 I don’t understand. I am so confused. I hurt. I watch all of these women getting pregnant and I am still waiting. 
I feel robbed and the closer we get to what should have been our due date the more I am reminded of what was lost. 
Today has been a Monday of tears and sadness... a good ole fashioned pity party. I am trying to have joy but sometimes lets just be real, its hard. 
I know that it is God’s will for us to be parents. I know I have to be patient but patience is a weak area of mine.
 I can say that through this I am learning more and more about how to be patient. I will remain in faith even though sometimes I just want to give up and pretend like I don’t care anymore.I can’t do that because that would be a lie.
 We have been trying for a little over a year now. I never in my wildest dreams thought that it would take this long to get pregnant.
 I also never thought that during that time I would have the joy of getting pregnant just to lose the baby. Through the tears and the hurt I will lean on my Savior.  
Today I am going to meditate on the fact that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I will see the victory.
God is good, He is faithful, He loves, and He gives good gifts...
Children are a gift from God!!! I look forward to the day I receive the gift of a child from my  Heavenly Father!!! 

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